Iceland Trip: A Dramatic Re-Imagining

"A Short Icelandic Epic"

So there I was, things had taken a turn for the worse.  I was standing; standing between the school children and the Icelandic bear.  The deadliest of it’s kind.  It was Noga who got us into this situation.  Noga and her big mouth…  Let me tell you a story.

            It was supposed to be a simple day trip.  We were supposed to just travel through Iceland, stop at a national forest, spend some time there and come home.  But our day trips can never be that simple.  Everything started out fairly normal.  We all loaded our things into the van, loaded ourselves into the van, and departed in, what would be timely fashion, if we weren’t ALWAYS waiting for Tara.  So, fifteen minutes behind schedule, and we are off.  Into the Icelandic sunrise.  We are all giddy, acting like fifteen year old school girls.  Most people are listening to music or sleeping, Hank, sitting up front, barely making it over the steering wheel, is humming quietly to himself.  Noga makes an attempt at idol talk with Hank as we are on the road, but soon gives in to the inevitable sleep that is coming.  Soon everyone is fast asleep, accept Hank of course, and we are all waiting to arrive our destination.

            Suddenly, everyone is jolted awake.  People screaming, questions being asked, fingers being pointed, everyone in the van is to be blamed.  “Who would do such a vial act?” someone asks.  “How could you live with yourself?” another contemplates.  We were woken by the remnants of someone’s dinner the previous night.  Apparently, someone dared find it hilarious to let the vial stench of their bodily functions get the better of them.  The group finally decides that, of course, it was either Ben or Constantine who was the culprit, but I see the little smirk on Hank’s face.  I know who the real villain is in this situation.  But little did we know, this was only the beginning of our adventures on the day.

            Finally we make it to the park in which we would be exploring for the day.  We saw amazing waterfalls, awe-inspiring geysers, fantastic geological formations, volcanoes that could erupt at any moment; we enjoyed some great food, and even better company.  But I suppose you don’t want to know about that stuff.  You want to know how this ‘bear’ fits into the story.  You want to know how it ends.  Who fights off the bear?  How did it come to be in the first place?  Well let me tell you.

            In fact let me paint a picture for you, the group of us, walking in the treacherous Icelandic rain forest, the temperature is muggy, it’s so hot and sweaty, we see all kinds of wildlife, jaguars, tigers, black panthers (which may be the same thing as a jaguar, but it helps build the suspense), and even the infamous ICELANDIC GOAT.  They’re even more terrifying in real life than the way their name makes them sound.  Horns the size of knives, hooves as sharp as…. Well knives, and a piercing stare as sharp as, DAMN IT, knives.  I need to work on my analogies. 

            The only wild creature we hadn’t seen was an Icelandic Bear.  Earlier in the day Noga jinxed it by saying, “I can’t wait to see an Icelandic Bear”.  But until this point they were nowhere to be seen.  But then we heard it.  The rustling, in the bushes, of a mother Icelandic Bear and maybe a cub or two.  Of course Noga is the one to ‘push the envelope’, she approaches the rustling sound.  She thinks she’s being so brave, but really is she being brave or foolish, everyone knows the Icelandic Bear is over-protective of her cubs.  But Noga, armed with her courage and knowledge of oil and tar sands, approaches those rustling bushes.  All of a sudden *BAM* the bear throws a warning swipe at Noga, the air from which enough to knock her down.  The entire group was shocked, frozen in place.  We didn’t know what to do.  We were about to be mauled and eaten in the Icelandic jungle, never to be heard from again.  And then we heard it. 

            She came out of nowhere.  We turned to see who it was but the sun was blinding.  All we could see was the outline of a shining figure.  The sun shining over her shoulders making her look like a heroic goddess.  A much more modern form of a heroic goddess.  Less of a Greek or Roman goddess, more American ‘by day a student, by night a crime fighting heroin’ type. 

            She said but four words to the bear, “HEY, DON’T DO THAT!”.  Perhaps, poorly chosen words.  Thinking back on the day they were not as intrepid as the scenery would suggest.  But then a cloud passed over the sun making our heroin more human.  It was Shelby.  Of course Shelby would be the one to stand up to the bear.  So what did she do?

            She walked right up to the bear, punched it directly in the face.  She did it in a charismatic way in which to suggest, I care for and respect nature, but we are NOT dying today.  And in that respect she was correct.  We live to tell the tale.  I have taken it upon myself to recount the story in only a factual nature.  I commend those who have helped in my chronicle of this story.  And I thank Shelby, for the day she stood up, and saved my life. 

--Drew Smith--